"Me and George and Billy are two of a kind."
-Mickey Rivers, on his relationship with George Steinbrenner and Billy Martin
"My goals are to hit .300, score 100 runs, and stay injury-prone."
"Out of what, a thousand?"
Mickey Rivers, responding to teammate Reggie Jackson's claim he had an IQ of 160
"Pitching is 80% of the game and the other half is hitting and fielding"
"No wonder you're all mixed up. You got a white man's first name, a Spanish man's second name and a black man's third name."
-Mickey made this comment to Reginald Martinez Jackson in July of 1977
"You'd better stop readin' and writin' and start hittin' ! "
-Mickey Rivers' quip back at Reggie Jackson when Jackson told Rivers, in front of reporters, that he should learn how to read and write
"I'm going to double my limit."
-Mickey Rivers' response to a 1975 interview question asking him how many bases he was going to steal that season.
"I was eating too well and getting too much rest. I take my old lady dancing every night now. Doin' the bump keeps your legs in shape."
-Mickey Rivers' response to a 1975 interview question of why he started playing better
"He's so ugly. When you walked by him, your pants wrinkle. He made fly balls curve foul."
-Mickey Rivers on former Major Leaguer Danny Napoleon's looks
"He is so ugly he should have to wear an oxygen mask."
-Mickey Rivers on teammate Cliff Johnson's looks
"I might have to commute. You know, left field, DH, wherever."
"The first thing you do when you get out to center field is put up your finger and check the wind-chill factor."
"The wind was blowin' about 100 degrees"
-Mickey Rivers' response to the wind in the outfield at Chicago's Comiskey Park
"I was brought up in Florida, so there isn't much difference between playing there and playing here. The climax are about the same."
-Mickey Rivers on playing in Texas
"He was lost out there. He was the Lost Mohegan."
-Mickey Rivers on a teammate who just played his first game
"I felt alone out there, like I was on a desert island. I felt like Gilligan."
-Mickey Rivers' response to playing left field for the first time
"I like playing on this team. We actually been doin' real good. Got a different mix here. Most important thing is you gotta keep pickin' up in paces. That's why we're playing contentious play. We got top names, guys can still hit in the majors, guys been out of the game hittin' the ball, shockin' it. Don't have no old, old guys. Not sayin' they don't get a good job done. Fact is, they've been vice versa. So that's incentive right there. It's been a plus."
-Mickey Rivers commenting on his teammates in the SPBL in 1989
"These guys are so old they're eligible for meals on wheels."
-Mickey Rivers commenting on the age of Texas Rangers teammates Bill Stein and Larry Bittner
"That felt good. I hadn't hit off a lefty in two months."
-Mickey Rivers' post game comment after hitting a double off of Boston Red Sox right handed pitcher Bob Stanley
"We'll do all right if we can capitalize on our mistakes."
"You can't improve what's bad, you can only build up what's good."
"It was so cold today that I saw a dog chasing a cat, and the dog was walking."
What was the name of that dog on 'Rin Tin Tin?'"
"I didn't want the wind to hit me, so I tried to outrun the wind."
"Ain't no sense worrying: If you have no control over something, ain't no sense worrying about it -you have no control over it anyway. If you do have control, why worry? So either way, there ain't no sense worrying."
"I don't get upset over things I can't control, because if I can't control them there's no use getting upset. And I don't get upset over the things I can control, because if I can control them there's no use in getting upset."